‘My beloved, you were set apart for me from the beginning of the world.’
my heart filled with pain; it was washed in pain. farewell, my blessed darling.
i let the grief come. i let it run through my veins. it was not grief for her, but for the absence of her forever, the absence of that intimacy, the absence of that one beating heart that could have been so very close. i let myself know it in the absence, and then i kissed her with all my heart on her tender forehead in the image i held of her, and i let this go. leave me, i said to this. i can’t take you where i am going. i always knew that i couldn’t do it. and i let you go now, yes again and for always–i let go of the wanting, i let go of the losing, but not the knowing…no, i will never let the knowing of it go.
