きもちOctober 6, 2009 2:28 am
あいたくて あいたくて
なみだ の うみ ひとり こぎ わたる
どこまでも どこまでも
あなた の こえ きこえ てき そう で
えがお は まだ おもいだせ ない よ
くるしく なる から
きもちMarch 18, 2009 12:14 am
last night i had a dream… it was about my angel… she was still pretty and cute…so lovely and beautiful… she seems very happy…smiling… laughing…and dancing… it’s like she is filled with joy in her hearts… it was really a nice dream… and it makes me happy…and it even makes me smile…and suddenly she took my hands…. and hug me tight…. and after staring at my face…she kissed me… then she step backwards and wave her hands… saying "bye bye…. i will be gone for a while…so take care of yourself… and be good…" and there goes my angel… slowly fading out in the bright light…
im off to la union and baguio…
inside the car… i was doing some work related stuff while listening to my japanese songs collection…
then i got tired of thinking and reading while we were in mobile..thus i just enjoy myself looking on things we passed by…and along the way…
i’ve witness a lot of things…things i’ve missed when i was a child…
like the carabao…then little kids walking… with their little bags at their back and their torn out slippers on their way home..
most of them were walking in groups or pack or 4 or 5….and at a small school.. i’ve seen 4 cute little girls having their lunch at the schools play groud on a round table under an old big tree… wow… wasn’t it nice? eating under the tree with our friends and sharing your food… they were laughing while enjoying their meal…
and i saw this two kids… a girl and a boy holding hands.. looks like they want to cross the street.. and the girl who is taller and bigger than the boy was holding his left hand firmly as they ran for their lives on a wide highway… i guess they were siblings… the older sister taking care of her younger brother…
then green fields… kilometers of green rice fields… and corn…then suddenly the road became rough.. there were a lot of bumps…hehehe then in a few minutes.. we can see mountains in front of us… we started our ascend in the snake road…
inside the car… i was doing some work related stuff while listening to my japanese songs collection…
then i got tired of thinking and reading while we were in mobile..thus i just enjoy myself looking on things we passed by…and along the way…
i’ve witness a lot of things…things i’ve missed when i was a child…
like the carabao…then little kids walking… with their little bags at their back and their torn out slippers on their way home..
most of them were walking in groups or pack or 4 or 5….and at a small school.. i’ve seen 4 cute little girls having their lunch at the schools play groud on a round table under an old big tree… wow… wasn’t it nice? eating under the tree with our friends and sharing your food… they were laughing while enjoying their meal…
and i saw this two kids… a girl and a boy holding hands.. looks like they want to cross the street.. and the girl who is taller and bigger than the boy was holding his left hand firmly as they ran for their lives on a wide highway… i guess they were siblings… the older sister taking care of her younger brother…
then green fields… kilometers of green rice fields… and corn…then suddenly the road became rough.. there were a lot of bumps…hehehe then in a few minutes.. we can see mountains in front of us… we started our ascend in the snake road…
i lifted the bow. my fingers came down rapidly, pounding away on the strings, the bow racing, and it was the happy song, the gay and free and happy song and it came unstintingly and bright and fine out of the violin, that I almost danced myself, pivoting, dipping, turning, yanked by the instrument, and only dimly out of the corner of my eye seeing them dance. i played and i played. the music poured forth.
- the violin
きもちDecember 30, 2008 2:33 am
finally the day has come for me and my old friend way back in my grade school to meet. SHE was actually my classmate and my first love at that time…ehehehehehe…i though that i would never see her after graduating in grade school… but to my surprise, i caught a glimpse of her in the university where i was in… she had changed a lot… and she even became more beautiful… and after that day i had never saw her again.. i thought she left the university, coz i never saw her shadows within the campus…and just a few months ago mom told me that she had seen her in a certain establishment…and to my surprise… she is still single….( i thought she was)… so when i got home, i called her up and invited for a dinner… we had steak and pasta… then after that we had a walk for a bit.. then we ended up in a coffeeshop… and then we had a long talk … we did have a lot of catching up to do…she fortold her life after graduating at gradeschool… her love story…then i did the same…and we ended up talking about business.. ehehehehehe…well she was into it now… and me? i was still planning to put up one… so we exchange advices etc etc… then we part ways as soon as the clock hits 11 PM…
きもちDecember 9, 2008 4:51 pm
will you cry me a river…so that i can swim in its sadness and longing… so that i can feel and understand the very thought of you… so that i would know the very part of you…so that i can hear the beautiful sound of your heartbeat…the calmness of your breath…so that i can see the stiffness of your face…your teary eyes…the pain inside you…
きもちNovember 2, 2008 1:41 pm
morning is here again…it’s the same as yesterday…probably tomorrow and the day after it will be exactly the same as today… just going around the circles, around and around..over and over and over…it happened on a day like any other…my everyday life is like a roll of toilet paper…
nothing answers life like life…a vision of a beautiful world…
along my daily route to the office.. i pause and gaze…i get a strange sense of distance…things before me seems far away…it ’sjust recently that i began to notice those road-side greens…for some time, i did not feel well…the discomfort finally got me…i am forced to rest now…i am on my way to the hospital…my body is feverish but i feel chilled to the bone…i am walking yet i feel floating…suddenly, i notice my hand reaching out to a road-side grass…people give me plants but i often let them die…yet, i felt closeness to those wild grasses…probably, that is the sign of a lonely man…as i age, my body and mind will weakened… and that makes me sad…but there’s nothing i can do…i do have many worries in me…but that is life, which has taken me this far…when holding a coffee cup…i wish i could have beautiful hands…thought like this makes me feel peaceful…some don’t see miracles as a miracle…they just simply think of it as an ordinary event…i cannot get enlightened…i cannot become a god…the magma in my head is about to erupt…hot, muddy and slushy inspiring things, like future, dreams, or hopes…my head is burning like a volcano ready to utter a loud cry…i wish to express it…but i don’t know how…right now i don’t have any reason to feel sad…but i am feeling sad …i know i will forget the preciousness of time in everyday life…the air that i feel…the light that i see…i will soon forget them…but if i can recall them in the future…i will be grateful for the dear memory…
きもちOctober 31, 2008 2:13 pm
don’t look back, don’t regret
time is falling out of these hands…
i’ll let you leave me..
call when you’re back home cause i’ll wait..
きもちOctober 28, 2008 2:26 pm
‘My beloved, you were set apart for me from the beginning of the world.’
my heart filled with pain; it was washed in pain. farewell, my blessed darling.
i let the grief come. i let it run through my veins. it was not grief for her, but for the absence of her forever, the absence of that intimacy, the absence of that one beating heart that could have been so very close. i let myself know it in the absence, and then i kissed her with all my heart on her tender forehead in the image i held of her, and i let this go. leave me, i said to this. i can’t take you where i am going. i always knew that i couldn’t do it. and i let you go now, yes again and for always–i let go of the wanting, i let go of the losing, but not the knowing…no, i will never let the knowing of it go.
